HAPPELSTANCE: It's a lifestyle

Things I’ve learned while Doodling.

When I heard about the Pictionary-esque phone app that everyone was busy doodling their brains out over (note the difference between ‘doodling your brains out’ and ‘diddling your brains out’ here.  Very different, indeed).  I was intrigued, but also terrified.  I flashed back to my Words With Friends days.  Any downtime was filled with attempts to rearrange letters and kick my friends’ asses.  Me and my roommate would sit and play against each other from opposite sides of the couch.  And when I closed my eyes at night, I saw little square tiles behind my eyelids.  Finally I bored of the game and my addiction naturally came to an end.  But imagine my fear when I heard about a chance to reinvent my addiction through pointless doodle-time with my friends.  Surely I was doomed… but eventually I gave in.

For those of you who have been complaining that Happelstance has lost its regularity, you can blame the Draw Something app.  I usually have about 10 games going simultaneously, and compulsively check to see if it’s my turn again.  OK, so I’m exaggerating a smidge, but not much.  While my mom was waiting to go in for a simple surgery last week, I even tried to entertain and distract her with my doodles, “hey mom, look, two cherries.”  You’d think that I was 9 years old again and by the pool yelling, “hey mom.  MOM!  HEY MOM! LOOK. I’m gonna dive?  MOM!  I’M DIVING NOW! LOOOOK!”  I  tried to involve her in Draw Something; and like any good mom, she went along with it.  In fact, she enjoyed it.

But let me tell you, it hasn’t been all fun and games.  I’ve learned quite a few things about life while playing Draw Something.  That’s right, I learned about this little society of ours by studying my peers’ actions through a silly game on my mobile device.  And who would I be if I didn’t clue you in?  Enjoy.

1. Our society is clearly nutritionally screwed – The universal doodle for the US is a giant McDonald’s Chicken Nugget.

2. Elementary School art class finally comes in handy – I can draw a box.  My 3rd grade art teacher’s name was actually “Mrs. Artusa,” and she taught me how to draw in 3d. Thanks Mrs. Artusa.  My houses, fish tanks, and roadways that fade into the distance are better because of you.

3. We’re solving Racism – If you’re drawing Obama or Beyonce, you’re going to use the darker splotch of paint.  Finally, a person’s skin color is merely a characteristic… instead of a definition.

4. My phone is suffering.  My poor battery doesn’t stand a chance. But neither does my boredom

Draw Something has brought me closer to people I haven’t spoken to in years. Sure, we’re communicating like elementary school drop outs who only learned words like “house,” and “queen”.  It’s a little sad that this is the way that I’m reconnecting with old friends, but I feel a little closer to them none-the-less. Unless of course, they use words in their drawings.  If you ask me, Using words is cheating – When we were children, our mothers told us “use your words.”  Well, unless you’re me, your mother isn’t playing with you; so convey your thoughts through drawing, will you?  I enjoy a good challenge and reading the answer just feels… cheap.

With every fad that comes in and steals my attention, this one’s starting to lose it’s appeal.  So from here on out, I promise to focus on real problems, have real connections with old friends, and continue writing.  Well, at least until the next shiny thing catches my attention… Ps. I love sparkly gifts.

Thoughtful Thursday #12

Welcome back to Thoughtful Thursdays, where I clue you in to this universe of ours that I simply cannot understand. Why do people do the things that they do? And why does the universe seem to unfold in strange ways? This is the 12th edition of THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS. Tomorrow’s Friday, so consider this your first reminder that the weekend’s almost here. 

I don’t understand… why you can ask a 7 year old their favorite color, friend, state, food, or song, and not only can they easily tell you their favorite, but they’ll give you a quick run down of their top 5 in a very specific order.  When’s the last time you asked a 23 year old what their favorite song was?  So many of us have fallen into the black hole of “I dunno… I like everything,” that we’ve forgotten how important it is to be able to identify our likes.  Why does age take away our ability to define ourselves with colors, films, books, and other tastes?  I just don’t get it.

I don’t understand… who decided to name the Universal Technical Institute, and for goodness sake, why they continue using the acronym “UTI” in their commercials.  If a man ever hit on me at a bar and stated that he studied at UTI, I’d promptly giggle and walk in the other direction.  I just don’t get it.

Thoughtful Thursday… sort of.

Thoughtful Thursday is typically my chance to bitch and complain; but to be totally honest, I can’t think of much to complain about today.  It’s a rainy Thursday and I’m sitting indoors at a quaint Mexican Restaurant down the block from my Brooklyn sublet.  Life’s pretty good as I sit staring at 30 up the nose.  Many people fear reaching a new decade, but I’m so excited for 30.  They say that 30 is the new 21, which sounds appealing at first until you really think about it.  I’ve learned so much since the days when I was dancing on bars during Happy Hour.  I’m assuming that an attempt to dance on a bar now would only leave me with a few pulled muscles and a raging hang-over in the morning. Oh 30, you’re going to be my best friend, “saving me from embarrassing moments since 2012.”

A friend of mine sent me a wonderful list a few days ago about 30 things that every woman should know by 30.  Guys, feel free to check it out too. I feel like a lot of these items will appeal to you as well. Growing up ain’t so scary, kiddies.  Somewhere out there, is a perfect balance of “grown-up” and “inner child”.  I welcome you to find that happy mix.  I’m certainly on my way.

Thank you to Glamour Magazine for printing this wonderful list.

By 30, you should have …

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.

Taken from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/24/turning-30-30-things-every-woman-should-have-and-should-know_n_1447368.html

Fantasy Music Videos

Glee brought the musical back to the screen and appealed to a wide-scale audience, but it certainly wasn’t an original idea. They sing and dance their way through hallways and classrooms, but I’ve been doing that for far longer than the twenty-somethings portraying teenagers on NBC have. Well, I have in my head, anyway. The mental music videos started when I was 17 and worked at the local multiplex. During my five years sweeping theaters and scooping popcorn, I somehow popped my fantasy music video cherry. I danced my way down the endless stairway, broom in hand, so many times in my mind that my vision was nearly perfect. The choreography was sick. You’d think I was Ginger Rogers the way that I fancy-footed my way down those steps and through the theater aisles. Meanwhile, my notorious clumsiness was known throughout the community (aka “the mall”), so my dance moves were forever limited to my head. But that was ok. I knew that in real life, there would never be a live band waiting for me at the bottom. And I knew that the patrons were more likely to stare at me blankly than join in the choreography I could realistically only stumble my way through. In my head, they joined in with huge smiles and overexaggerated dance-moves. That’s right, folks. The flash mob was another an entity that existed in my Happelhead long before the internet caught hold of the idea. Take that, Japanese Prisoners

To this day, you can tell when my music video fantasy is kicking into high gear because there’s an extra skip in my step. The ease of plugging into my iPhone only further facilitates the ease of my fantasy fancy-footworking. While jogging in Ireland, I even threw a few little spins into my hilly jog when I was sure that no one was looking. The cows got a good show.
Since then, I’ve been more aware of my impulses to publically dance. Here are a few places I think would be the perfect background to trip the light fantastic.

1. LIRR – While standing amongst the grumpy commuters who boarded the train too late to grab a seat, Lady Gaga came on my iTunes and I was inspired to break out the dance moves. I’d shimmy down the aisle and twirl with the businessmen to cheer them up. Most commutes home deserve a good show, no?

2. 6th avenue – Well, any NY street would do, really. But there’s nothing better than walking down a busy Manhattan street with your steps in rhythm with the beat. A pep in my step sometimes feels real close to a full on city landscaped music video!

3. In a Bar – Picture it, you’re hanging with your buds after a few cocktails and your favorite song comes on. This is the only situations that most people eventually give in to. Of course, it has a lot to do with the individual and the potency of the drinks they’re consuming. WARNING: if you decide to take your moves to the top of the bar, there is a possibility that you do NOT look as amazing as you do in your head. Beware.
4. On a Date – There’s always that awkward moment when you walk in and you know that your date is sitting there waiting for you. Imagine the impression that you’d make if you made a full-on appearance. No one looks bad walking in with the right entrance music.

5. Walking Out of the Subway – There have been several times that, after being crammed on the F train, I’ll walk up the stairs onto 23rd street. I’m in a great mood, in a cute sundress. The sun is beating down after being stuck underground and the wind escaping the tunnel will give me the music video-esque hair blow. Who wouldn’t want to break into dance here? Watch out NYC!

Typically Happelstance is all about doing things that scare you and forgetting about what the people surrounding you think (especially if they are strangers). However, I have to draw the line somewhere, otherwise I’d be encouraging you to streak every day…. And well, that’s just reckless. Here’s the line: I don’t break into song or dance in public. Karaoke and college Karen dancing on bars was ok, because when in Rome. But if I were to break into dance in the street, I’m pretty sure my lack of skills would scare the natives. The only tips I’d get on the subway would be from strangers chucking their loose change at me in an attempt to stop the madness.
So Happelstancers, you’ve found my line of public embarrassment. Everyone’s got one. There’s always a fine line between fun crazy and loony bin crazy, and it’s different for everyone. I encourage you to figure out where your line sits. But before you set it in stone, push the limits a little. The pop in my step on 6th avenue is a bit unconventional, but I enjoy myself. Who cares what the stranger headed uptown thinks? You can’t fault anyone for putting a happy pep in their step. Happy pep-stepping, Happelstancers!

Superhuman Dating

I waited a solid 10 minutes for the Q train today, which left me as that annoying girl on the platform who paces back and forth… and then back and forth again.  I was clearly running late and the invisible train was stressing me out.  When the train finally showed up, I breathed a sigh of relief, hopped on, grabbed on, and zoned out.  Just as we were pulling away, I looked up and saw the strangest thing.  A stranger made eye-contact with me and gave me a full puppy-dog face.  We’re talking the over-exaggerated and quivering pout with big ol’ “my life is over” eyes.  He had clearly missed the train.

I made my Long Island Railroad connection with a few minutes to spare, and had a few moments to relax before the doors slammed shut and we pulled away.  In that time, I was left thinking about that poor schmuck who was probably left another 10 minutes for the next Q to come by.  There’s nothing worse than running to catch a train only to have the doors slam in your face.  I actually got separated from my friends in Paris once.  If you’ve ever been to Paris, then you know that the subway doors there mean BUSINESS.  You don’t want to be half in and half out when those fuckers SLAM shut.  So I watched my friends on they other side of the window as the train slowly took them home and I looked for someone on the platform who knew English.  No one did.  I hopped on the next train and crossed my fingers that it would bring me to the correct destination.  Luckily, it did.

It’s the worst when you’re standing on the wrong side of the door and the train hasn’t started moving yet.  You think to yourself, “there has to be SOME way to get on the other side of this door. It’s right here.”  But I assure you, there is not.  Showing some skin to the conductor will not work; neither will trying with all your might to force open those doors.  You can try if you like, but it’s not going to win you any new friends.  Most people just swear at themselves and walk away with their head hanging.  Just suck it up and be like them.

Then I started thinking, this would be different if I had a superpower.  What if I were SuperSticky?  What if I could just throw myself on the side of the train and adhere until my destination?  My hair would dry nicely in the wind, and I’m sure the conductor wouldn’t climb out to bravely ask me for a ticket.  As I thought deeply about this very serious thought, it occurred to me that guys fear the “clingy girl” in the dating scene, so SuperStickiness probably wouldn’t work well in my favor.  In fact, there are a lot of superpowers that would hinder my dating life.  Sure, Spiderman can drop upside-down for the sexy kiss in the rain, and Batman can swoop in to rescue a damsel in distress, but let’s really pull back the superpower curtain, shall we?  Here’s a list of superp0wers that would NOT be ideal in the dating world:

1. X-Ray vision – Guys, I know this sounds like a good idea right off the bat; but if you’re out to dinner with a girl you really like, how easy do you think it’ll be pay attention to her while surrounded by naked women?  I’m also seeing a few slaps from strangers in your future.

2. Mind reading – Fellas, good luck using the “what am I , a mind reader?!” excuse.  You’ll be shit out of luck on that front.  And trust me, you don’t want to know the crazy thoughts that we girls have to swallow to keep from looking “crazy” anyway.  Other the other hand, ladies, believe me when I tell you that you don’t want to know how many times your suave date is thinking about sex over your first dinner together.  They’re actually like puppies getting really excited that they might be going on a walk soon.  Personally, I’d prefer that to be left a mystery, wouldn’t you?

3. Super-human strength – If you’re really excited about the date, you may not be able to control your strength when you open a door or pull out a chair. Imagine how embarrassing it would be if you ended up pulling the door off it’s hinges at the Ritz? And I’m sure you can use your imagination when I mention the bedroom.  Whoever is on the receive end of that strength might not be too happy with the results under the sheets.  Good luck.

Yes, you could tell me that if you had a super power, you’d be able to control it.  But do you know? Do you really know?  If you’ve ever seen (or read) X-Men, you know that Rogue’s superpower keeps her from getting close to another person; but who’s to say that wouldn’t be the case with any of these powers?  With great power comes great responsibility.  No one pictures super heroes with a white picket fence… maybe this is why.  But if you’re going to send me a superhero, I wouldn’t mind Super Suitman.  A man who flawlessly looks amazing in an Armani suit with zero effort? Sign me up.  Eh hem, NY, please send one my way. Thanks!

Happelstance update

Things have been busy busy busy in Happelstance land.  To give you an idea of where I’m headed, I have an amazing group of people who have rallied behind me to help me out.  The fearless Josh has been my teacher and the motivation behind the Hapspansion.  He’s basically like my Internet Yoda. There’s also an amazingly creative web designer working on the site currently.  Let’s call her my Website Goddess because her ideas are out of this world.  I even had a stylist offer to take me around and put me in a few outfits.  She’s kind of amazing, and if you’re ever in LA and interested in using her services, she’s fun AND fashionable.  We went out for 5 hours and walked home with a few looks that I can’t get enough of.   I’ve seriously never loved my wardrobe more.  (check her out at http://www.facebook.com/pages/CGStyle/133019076751770)  So anyway, I found myself in New Hampshire, of all places, gathering the items that I needed for the site.

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I was there during Passover and was asked twice, “What’s Passover?”  Clearly I wasn’t on Long Island anymore.

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I hate time in front of the camera, but as my life is often a happy series of coincidences, I was staying with the top hairdresser/makeup artist in New Hampshire while planning my photos for the site.  We spent a day at his salon before grabbing images.

If ever in Manchester, check this place out. Its to DIE for.

So I had a lot of time to think, write, and photograph while my Internet Yoda and Website Goddess got cracking on the up-and-coming Happelstance.com.  I hope you’re excited.  This fucker’s been a year in the making and I’m so excited to see what everyone comes up with.

So get ready guys… it’s been a long time coming, but it’s on its way.  :)  I know today is Thursday and you were expecting a Thoughtful Thursday as per usual.  But instead, here’s something to be thoughtful about… Happelstance is Happeling… This was me in NH looking for inspiration…

Stay tuned… 

Another blog suggestion…

Today’s been a tough one up here in New Hampshire.  I went for a jog, took a bath, relaxed, and did a little work on Happelstance.com (coming soon).  I also spent some time with a Siamese Cat and Golden Retriever. We cuddled. We played.  We surfed the internet together.  Stella the Golden Retriever seemed to be a fan of my new favorite blog, http://foodonmydog.com/  Seriously, check this out. It kept my simple mind occupied for a substantial amount of time.

The cat’s reaction, on the other hand, “Don’t even try that with me, human!”

She has a message and insisted that I pass it onto Happelstancers, “Food on my head may not be my thing, but I enjoy seeing this dog humiliated. I consider it a win for cats. Meow, Happelstancers, me-OW.”

www.Foodonmydog.com  – check it out

Whimsical Wednesday

Welcome back to WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAY where I share something with you to spread the smile… even if I can’t take credit for it.  It’s Easter weekend. Did you make it through Lent?

Right now, I’m typing on a cross-country flight.  The guy next to me is probably about 25 years old, “works with music,” and keeps trying to flirt with me.  Is it rude to ask for ID before continuing the conversation?  He’s finally busy watching some Jonah Hill movie on his laptop (ok, so I snooped… It’s kind of hard not to when you’re sitting on top of each other 10,000 miles in the sky).  Now that he’s no longer in my hair, I’m left thinking about today.  It’s 2012 and I’m connected to the internet.  It’s the week before Easter and Passover, so I’m remembering drunkenly eating my college roommate’s Matzoh in 2003 with peanut butter, and wonder who’s kept up with their Lent sacrifices.  But most importantly, it’s Wednesday, so it’s time for me to help you with your hump-day ho-down.  Kick that boredom out of your cubicle and take a break with Happelstance.  In the spirit of Easter, egg coloring, and the clear existence of the Easter Bunny (I refuse to believe that egg hiding rodents are impossible), here’s something that made me giggle today.  Happy Holidays, Happelstancers. Is this what Easter morning is like on the Jersey Shore?

Thoughtful Thursday

So I’m thinking that it’s been so long since I Happelstanced that there were a few cobwebs in my funny factory.  I was so excited to be back after exactly a month of Happelstance silence, that I posted a Whimsical Wednesday on a Thursday.  I mean really. The horror… Maybe since my last post was about Leap Year, I was thrown off by a day; but then again, I’m always full of excuses, aren’t I?   I suppose it works out in your favor, Fuckers, because today’s a two-for-one at Happelstance.blog.com

Welcome back to Thoughtful Thursdays, where I clue you in to this universe of ours that I simply cannot understand. Why do people do the things that they do? And why does the universe seem to unfold in strange ways? This is the 11th edition of THOUGHTFUL THURSDAYS. Tomorrow’s Friday, so consider this your first reminder that the weekend’s almost here. This Thursday is all about the “whoops” moment.

I don’t understand… why we insist on mixing up our days? There’s nothing worse than spending a full Thursday thinking it’s already Friday, only to realize that you still have work tomorrow. The flip-side, however, is what happened to me today.  I spent all day thinking it was hump-day; when in reality, it’s Thursday and tomorrow is the end of the week. Either way, I’m confused.  …I just don’t get it.

I don’t understand… why you can’t realize that you left your keys inside BEFORE you lock the door behind you.  Ever notice that it is the very second that the door latches that you realize you’re stuck out in the wilderness (or in my case, west hollywood)? …I just don’t get it.

**Today’s inspiration brought to you by the very talented Jason Skweres, the newest kid to jump on the Happelstance bandwagon.  Thanks Jason!**

Whimsical Wednesday Returns

It’s been a bit of a Happelstance Hiatus, I know.  But it’s time to dry your tears, Happelstancers.  I’m back.  So here we go…

Welcome back to WHIMSICAL WEDNESDAY where I share something with you to spread the smile… even if I can’t take credit for it.  Everyone’s talking about the movie of the year, so why shouldn’t I?

The Hunger Games has become far more than a book series or a blockbuster.  It’s a social phenomenon.  It’s difficult for a book adaptation to please audiences, but there are smiles all around for Katniss Everdeen.  What I liked so much about our heroine while I read the series was that Katniss would CLEARLY kick Bella Swan’s ass.  Let’s be honest, all Bella does is sit around and cry.  She’s a bad example for teenage girls, if you ask me.  But what do I know.

I’m team Katniss all the way.  And here’s something that made me love the saga even more (and something I wanted to share to give you your Wednesday fix for cubicle boredom).